and the power of love....yeah. So powerful it can hurt. I consider myself a strong, independent woman. Hell, I'm a Firefighter/EMT and for a girl, that's a pretty kickass title if you can wear it and wear it well. But when it comes to matters of the heart...MY heart...wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllll.....not so much. I have a close-knit group that I depend on for normalcy and these ladies remind me often, that yes, I am human and I have feelings, too. These ladies also depend on me to help solve their problems. Everything from "my car's making a funny noise, can you look at it?" to "why haven't I heard from him in 3 weeks?" Here lately, it's been the latter. I have tried to instill a few basic rules or philosophies in them when it comes to men (some of which applies to any situation):
1. CONTROL: You have to remember you are in control of your half of the relationship. You can't control him, but you CAN, however, control how you react and respond to whatever is said or done, and that will define the depths of your relationship.
2. CONTACT: Let's face it. NOBODY likes a "Stage 5 Clinger." (Wedding Crashers. Get it. Watch it.) You know the one. The girl/guy who blows UP your phone with texts and phone calls ALL. DAY. LONG. Not a sweet, sappy "I miss you" or "thinking of you" every few hours, NO. It takes them literally 5 minutes to fill up your inbox and voicemail box, blocking all other messages from being retrieved. Yeah. Them. If they don't respond right away, or at all, in some cases, DO NOT WIG OUT! They are busy, at work, or whatever. 10 times out of 10 they have a reason. And it's a possibility that they just don't feel like dealing with you and your clingy self today. "But how do I get them to answer me?" Easy. BACK. OFF. That's it. That's all. If you sent a text asking them some question or whatever at 11am and it's now 5pm and you haven't gotten an answer, LEAVE IT ALONE! (Extremely easier said than done. Speaking from experience.) Believe it or not, depending on how they actually feel about you, they will get back to you. If you go for days without any non-initiated contact, then, sorry girls, he's just not that into you.
3.) WHY?: The proverbial "Why?" We have all asked it about our men at one time or another, and most likely on a frequent basis...but here I'm going to deal with just the "Why does he DO that?" "Why can't he just talk to me?" and for those of us who have basically mastered Rule # 2 and have reached the realization that we have a choice in the matter, "Why do I continue to let him do this to me?" Now. there is a plethora of reasons behind the first two, and unless you are really willing to look at yourself as part of the equation, you're not going to be happy with the answers you get. A lot of what he does depends on how you do. Your reactions, your behaviors, your personality, everything. With those two questions you need to start looking for "triggers" or "indicators" that may or may not form a pattern. Try and pinpoint when the change came along, and look at the events surrounding the change. Did you fight? Did you nag him to death? Did he read a text message wrong (I HATE texts for that very reason)? Then you will most likely have your answer, barring any extremes. For those of us who realize this already, we continually ask why we continue to allow it to happen. We have a choice. Nothing is holding you to this one particular man. If we don't like how we're treated, we can remove ourselves from the situation. HARD as HELL to do, I know. Which brings me to my next point:
4.) I'M DONE!: I can sum this up in one sentence. Read this carefully. Clear your mind and pay attention....ready? Here goes:
If you are really, truly, "done," then you would be gone. Or more simply, it will continue to happen for as long as you let it happen. I'm not saying leaving is the cure-all to relationships. It is a LAST RESORT. COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER! Tell the other one what you thought when you received a text response to something that was misread...clear the air. Nothing ever got solved drawing conclusions based on perceptions. Period. It can be hard words to say, but you can say them.
And pretty much lastly:
5.) BE PREPARED!: Be ready for him/her to say ANYTHING when you start a discussion about how something the other party said or did made you feel. These conversations can lead to deeper ones and if handled correctly, can have a profound impact on the nature and level of your current relationship. For instance, if you walk in and say to your partner, "Hey, what did you mean the other day when you told me you'd talk to me some other time?" Be prepared for the worst. The worst being the end of your relationship. He may have misread your previous message that you thought considerate, and there's definitely something to be straightened out. If you walk in expecting him to be totally honest with you, you have NO RIGHT to get mad at him for doing so. Truth hurts. Honesty hurts. Our loved ones can inadvertently hurt us by telling us what we NEED to hear instead of what we WANT to hear. There is a difference. If you want them to be completely honest with you about your relationship, then by all means, be the same way with them. Don't be childish and don't be mean. Don't sugar coat it, either. These types of conversations are no place for double meanings, analogies, etc. You have no choice but to be straight and to the point. Say what you mean. Takes a LOT of courage, confidence, and preparedness knowing that you may very well hate what you hear.
Some of my close-knit friends like to use the phrase, "I'm tired of the bullshit." Or, "I'm done! I can't take it anymore." My response? You aren't tired enough or "done" enough if you're still there.
This is just my take and how I try to be with my significant other. And I need (and get) a little reminder from my friends when I need it, telling me to follow my own advice...and basically, I can fully admit that I'm not tired enough to pick up and move on.
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